I've always been obsessed with movies & celebrities and have even capriciously planned trips to the Oscars - mostly daydreaming about how to snag a seat-filling position but once we were mere miles from downtown LA watching the pre-show on TV; I could have leaned out a window and smelled the Calvin Klein. Only because it was also Stu's birthday did I refrain from begging and crying and calling a cab. Well, I didn't have anything red carpet-worthy to wear either; it was before Sharon Stone's shockingly groundbreaking GAP turtleneck outfit. Imagine, I could have been a trendsetter before her in my strangely stylish suburban teacher garb. Darn husband.
So as the nominations were announced this week, it occurred to me that this would be a great year to really be at the big show. "Babel" is nominated for best picture, meaning my Mexican boyfriend will likely be there (I miss him); Mark Wahlberg and Ryan Gosling are up for acting awards (yummy); and Johnny Depp always shows up - who knows why, but frankly I don't care what his reasons are. And I would love to see Kate Winslet and Meryl Streep. In my dream world, Kate & Meryl & I would chat about our kids and organic food and making time for 'us' while the cute boys stood nearby admiring our simple beauty & down-to-earthness, hoping aloud they'll find great women like us someday. Ellen would find me later and say what a great job I did filling seats, very quick yet inconspicuous, and she might compliment my charming style (I'll find a vintage '50s dress & coat at the antique mall). I would flash a "you rock!" sign at the smart young actresses from "Little Miss Sunshine" and "Pan's Labyrinth."Oh, and my best friend Jen would be with me (but I'd make her tone down the lipstick and not wear high heels because she can't have too much attention in my fantasy) and we would change into smokin' jeans & tight t-shirts before heading off to sneak into the after-parties, maybe hang out with Edward Norton until we're weary of so much political angst in a pretty package. Then I'd find Dax Shepard and we'd have a good drunken laugh over the e-mail I sent him (okay, two e-mails). Sigh. Good times.
Anyway, I've got to start getting ready for that big day. But just in case these rock-solid plans fall through, look for an invitation to my own very exclusive Oscar party. There is always a red carpet, fancy food, and good booze, plus I'll have Stu jump out of the bushes to take your picture and insult your outfit.
