that's all, folks

This showed up today from Very Short List to help me get the hell away from the computer so I can clean my house post something interesting for the last day of 2008. It's pretty long and not particularly useful (unless you're a film major), but it is a fascinating collection. When you're done [or have given up], go to A-Lister for my list of Things Not To-Do in 2009. Or there's this yearly recap at The Smoking Gun; also amusing.

Have a safe & joyous New Year!

guy on the bus [PROMPTuesday]

This is my entry in San Diego Momma's very cool weekly writing exercise. The photo is hers; the song below accompanies the picture & my story.

________________________________
Guy sits in the same seat every morning; he's already there when I get on at the Lovejoy stop, staring out the windows opposite the door. I call him Guy because I don't know his name - no one ever speaks to him, he makes no phone calls, never has a magazine with revealing subscription info - and also because he's pretty regular looking. I can't remember a time when Guy wasn't there, and I've been taking this bus across town for a year now.

Some days I watch him and wonder what he's thinking. He sits so still, staring out the windows. His expression rarely changes; once I saw him smirk but when I followed his gaze I couldn't tell why, and he had gone back to a plain stare by the time I looked at him again.

I don't know where Guy goes everyday because I get off before him, and he's never on the bus when I head home. Last fall, I tried to interact with him by asking if he had a pen I could borrow. He glanced at my hand on his arm before slowly turning his face toward mine, shaking his head. I wasn't sure if he was answering my query or telling me not to touch him.

Today, Guy came into my store. At first I couldn't figure out why he seemed so familiar. I walked over to offer assistance, smiling as if we were old friends. Guy looked at me blankly, shook his head. He picked up a copy of the free newspaper near the door and left.

SeeqPod - Playable Search

37 days

Rest assured, this post has nothing to do with sobriety or zombies or abstinence.


I just received a book that I'm pretty sure is going to change my life.

Living mindfully & intentionally? Yes please, sign me up. It seems a little crazy that I can't just do that on my own but everyday mundane stuff tends to clog my gears and I, inexplicably, forget to pay attention to the truly important stuff [which can sometimes be that mundane stuff].

This is pretty much the introduction to the book. I'm looking forward to reading every other word over & over until the habit of being alive sticks for good. Feel free to join me.

gifted

My own real-life grocery boy.

Yes, he really bought this apron but no,

he was not really naked at breakfast.

A beloved hand-me-down from a beloved friend.

We can't judge the joy in a 10-year old nerd's

Star Wars fan's heart.




Warm toes, check.
Mismatched outfit, check.
Innocent delight, check.

Serious business

Paper crowns all the way from England.
Skull shirt at Christmas = strictly Americana.




Enjoying the bounty with Grandpa.

son of frozen tundra

The weather outside is frightful.

Inside it's so delightful.

Another view of outside from within

I can manage a shot just outside the front door without becoming hypothermic.

The boy found Nevada in our backyard.

Paige gives new meaning to "iced tea."




I'm so sorry, little Japanese maple,
but it's too perilous for me to even try shaking that off.


Yes I had to go all the way into the driveway for this shot,

risking frostbite on my Crocs-clad toes.
I'm that dedicated to my craft.



Okay, forget I ever asked for snow. Done.

the eating, the drinking, the being merry

Welcome to our home!

The elves having been working hard

(Apparently my son thinks it's balmy in our house)

The finished goods

(Note the Cowboy star, just for mom; extra presents for Mason!)

Join us for grown-up time

(Yes three bottles of wine; don't judge)

Bad Parents

Best friends/Neighbors


Other best friends/Not Neighbors



All good

god bless us, everyone (except the sinners)

Because I am the Bad Mom, I feel compelled (and pressured by my nearly-heathen husband) to direct your attention to this delightful Christmas carol. [Warning to non-initiates of South Park: There are *bleeps* but it's still hilariously outrageously offensive to everyone]

Some people don't feel a real Christian would not condemn Matt Stone & Trey Parker to the fiery fires of Hell condone such so-called comedy; I say Jesus is laughing his holy *ss off - he entertained the likes of Peter & Paul, right? Feel free to discuss my salvation while I eat all the chocolate in my stocking for breakfast.

Sincerely, I am grateful for this day; I celebrate & cherish its meaning and hope others will as well.

I am thankful for my God, my family, my friends - including you.

Merry Christmas, you wonderful old blogosphere.

most wonderful time

SANTA WAS HERE!!

photo by bad mom, 2006

Wordless It'sChristmasEve! Wednesday

ghost of christmas lists past & present

1976, Age 8:

• Baby sister
• Hot Wheels race track
• Spirograph set

1977, Age 9:

• Lite-Brite
• Woody Woodpecker nightgown
• Mod Podge

1978, Age 10:

• Shaun Cassidy t-shirt & pants
• Satin baseball jacket
• Anything Hello Kitty or Snoopy themed

1979, Age 11:

• Simon
• White leather Nikes with a red swoop
• Rubik's Cube

1982, Age 14:

• Michael Jackson's Thriller album
• "Jessie's Girl" 45 rpm
• Normandy Rose Jeans
• Duran Duran poster

1984, Age 16:

• Gunne Sax dress
• Candies shoes
• Letter from Canadian boyfriend
• Contact lenses

1986, Age 18:

• New AM/FM/Cassette Walkman
• Passing grades

1988, Age 20:

• Date with cute freshman Stu
• Obsession for Women perfume
• Scattergories

2008, Age 40:

• Dallas Cowboys t-shirt
• soy candles
• Prada lotion
• Chris Botti MP3
• Drinks with Fountains of Wayne

been hoping that you'd drop in

Merry merry.

I missed the house party with Jen on the Edge & friends, but I'll do some tailgating.

Go to Flickr to read the notes about my stuff. If you really care.

And enjoy this retro love.

harmony divine

Now Winter Nights Enlarge by Thomas Campion

Now winter nights enlarge
This number of their hours;
And clouds their storms discharge
Upon the airy towers.
Let now the chimneys blaze
And cups o'erflow with wine,
Let well-tuned words amaze
With harmony divine.
Now yellow waxen lights
Shall wait on honey love
While youthful revels, masques, and courtly sights
Sleep's leaden spells remove.
This time doth well dispense
With lovers' long discourse;
Much speech hath some defense,
Though beauty no remorse.
All do not all things well:
Some measures comely tread,
Some knotted riddles tell,
Some poems smoothly read.
The summer hath his joys,
And winter his delights;
Though love and all his pleasures are but toys
They shorten tedious nights.

Our wonderland, 2008

***

Happy Winter Solstice

analysis paralysis

I have posted some conflicting ideas for how to spend my winter break, over at A-Lister. Plus a cute boy picture, if you're not intrigued enough by the thought of my angsty list.

winter daze

The Annual Great Graham Cracker Challenge

Mason chose a scene from Robinson Crusoe

Note the gigantic Swedish fish just offshore

Paige went with snowy Utopia

(The pretzel sticks are cattails, we were informed a dozen times)

The It-Really-Truly-Finally-Snowed Snow Day

Yes, it was really that dark when he went outside first thing in the morning.

The fruits of his pre-dawn labor.

What Moms Do on Snow Days

Jen wants me to assure you that she is not really a giant. And I'm not really a leprechaun. Lisa is graciously slouching for my benefit, yet showing me up with her cute black scarf


When Snow Becomes Boring

Some kids practice geography.

Others look up obnoxious videos.

The Great Tree Hunt

(Or, Where You Go When Your Regular Tree Farm Closes Because Christmas is Less Than A Week Away)

Mason was promised he could do something with a hatchet this year

Men at work in the tree lot across from our neighborhood

We go for the free and/or homemade only eclectic look

(For the record, I'm on the Blog This Mom tree team)

Merry Christmas.

christmas carol corruption

1. Said the night wind to the little lamb, "Run, little dude! Shepherd's in the mood for mutton stew."

2. The first Noel, the angel did say, "I just flew in from Bethlehem and boy are my wings tired." Ba-dum-bum.

3. Go, shop for the economy, Over the hills and everywhere.

4. It came upon the midnight clear, the glorious school closure call.

5. Have yourself a cozy little cocktail, Let your heart be light.

6. And the thing that will make them ring is the carol that you sing into their voicemail.

7. And as for the weekend, tonight I'm looking forward to finally getting our tree up, tomorrow my plans include haircut & date night and Sunday, I want to wow...I can't really think of anything; relax?!

Friday Fill-In sing-a-long!

snoax

Yesterday the automated call from my school district announced a 3-hour early release before calling an hour later with news of closure. There was a faint wisp of snow trailing around outside until about 10 a.m. then nothing. All day. Which meant my attitude was the same - nothing. I honestly can't remember one marginally productive thing I did yesterday during our non-snowy Snow Day.

Last night the automated caller informed me that today would be a 2-hour late start. That meant I would be teaching two classes (because I don't have a 1st period), only one hour each (we usually have 90 minutes). Plus my half-hour lunch. Luckily I don't have to drive far to my school; some of my colleagues spend at least 40 minutes driving each way. I fell into a grouchy funk not because I don't love my job and relish teaching teenagers [I DO!] but because I knew a) many of our kids wouldn't show up due to living outside the bus snow routes and/or having no reliable alternate transportation, and b) we would not be able to finish a movie or start a novel or engage in actual curriculum-advancing work due to the time & attendance constraints. You know how I love board games and I'm not afraid to inflict them on my students, but it seems like everyone's morning would be better spent not driving across town for a few hours' play.

TODAY the snow actually started to drift in with more seriousness around 7:30. Like it didn't appreciate all the hype of the past 4 days and was waiting for just the right moment to show off. The kids had me check the news website another 425 times before the bus ambled into our neighborhood [their school is on regular schedule; suckers!]. I dragged myself upstairs to prepare for a nerve-wracking drive down & up shady hills, and a few hours of visiting with students who would desperately rather be anywhere else in the world.

As I finished washing my face, the phone rang. Caller ID proclaimed NW Educational. HELLO? Lovely, calm automated voice telling my district was closed for the day. I actually danced around the bedroom. Then I took a 45 minute bath, and now? Typing & reading in my towel and slippers. Next I think I'll make some tea and watch dangerous amounts of E! While reading back issues of Entertainment Weekly. Laptop at hand.

God bless us, everyone.

from my effing perfect family to yours

Dear Blog Friends & Family,

Feel free to immediately click away from this page if the past year's hijinks of my ideal life offend or otherwise incense your passive/aggressive manic depressive sensibilities.

January: Cowboy fan Stephanie thoroughly did not enjoy the playoff season
February: Stephanie also thoroughly did not enjoy the Super Bowl; family fun at the state caucus March: Kids remained involved in Scouts, acting classes, Math Club, & general fun with the cat and hamsters (though never at the same time)
April: Paige jumped rope for the American Heart Association at a Trailblazers game; Stephanie & Stu had some happenings in Vegas
May: Stephanie & Stu spent 15th anniversary weekend in the far reaches of downtown Portland
June: New bath tub!; Stu & friend Dave treated to cocktail class for Father’s Day; Stephanie announced names of graduates at her school’s 1st commencement
July: Summer camps for kids; tattoos for adults; Stephanie & friend Jen partied in San Francisco
August: More camps for kids; trip to London, Paris & Amsterdam for adults
September: Stu’s 20 year HS reunion
October: Mason took up trombone, Paige thankfully not yet interested in loud instruments; family enjoyed multiple costume parties
November: Wordstock workshop for Stephanie, promise of continued job at H-P for Stu
December: Mason starring in church play; Paige reveled in art class; high hopes for Cowboys in playoffs

Wishing you happy holidays & a delightful 2009.

Now to send out the hard copy of this, instead of letting it languish in a Christmas bag behind my couch for a year. Not that I've ever done anything that pathetic before.

be sure to drink your ovaltine

I had never seen A Christmas Story until sometime around 1993 when my new husband, appalled at what amounted to my wasted childhood, insisted we watch it. I have loved it since, every nostalgic moment from the period sets & costumes to the innocent dreams of pre-WWII kids.

Almost as much fun as rewatching it every year is looking up all of the actors to see what they're doing now. Peter Billingsley is refreshingly normal & successful; Scott Schwartz a tad less so...

Ho Ho Ho

revival

A cowardly anonymous troll tried to hijack my Christmas spirit this afternoon by replying to our e-mailed holiday letter with his own glib rewording [initially it was pretty hilarious in an over-the-top obnoxious way, but then he became hostile with: "Contemplate sending out generic e-mail re: "I know you hardly know me and that I barely know you, but here's an e-mail exclaiming to the entire fuckin' universe to look at me and my freakin' perfect children and my wonderful prescription-drug driven life" " Gee, depressed much?]. The weirdest part is that this is someone I went to high school with, who I contacted a couple of years ago for our reunion and is only in my address book because he was (supposedly) interested in hearing from other alumni. Clearly he's only interested in sharing his delightful brand of comedy/rage with people who are just too damned happy.

After a brief reverse e-mail look-up to determine which joy-filled former classmate took such time & care to respond to my holiday greeting (he actually copied my letter to his junk mail account, altered it, and used a fake name to send it back - that is dedication to a craft), I turned my energy to making dinner for my freakin' perfect children before heading out to watch my best friends' kids' (also perfect) orchestra performance. Despite the 5th grade strings sounding a lot like the well-meaning Halloween Town musicians in Nightmare Before Christmas ("Jingle Bells" dirge, anyone?), it was just what I needed. The earnestness in those faces & fingers; the nervous eyes and shaking hands; the beaming smiles during applause.


Yes. I do have a wonderful life, prescription-drug driven or not.



pic courtesy of this place - thanks!

big fat plan on ice

Much to my poor children's distress, their school is in business today while mine is closed due to icy roads. As they work through their glumness, I am formulating a schedule for my day home alone. Part of me wants to spend it reading, writing, visiting blogs, searching for new pictures of Mark Wahlberg for my desktop & drinking tea but most of me knows I should blast Christmas music and power organize & clean the house.

So I'm offering myself this reward system:

• Sort & begin laundry = Shower time
• Finish wrapping presents then clean the spare room = Read 3 blogs
• Pick up/rearrange living room to accommodate Christmas tree = Half-hour of magazine & snack time
• Make more banana bread = Read 3 blogs
• Sweep, dust, vacuum all surfaces = Play 30 minutes of Free Rice or Traveler IQ Challenge
• Write up plans for last 3 weeks of classes = Meet Lisa for coffee & Blockbuster browsing

I'm kind of already exhausted from this day off, frankly.

glorious

Mason was a hit today in the church Christmas play (even though he obviously only pretends to sing).

Snow started falling in earnest on the way home.

I finished grading Creative Writing notebooks and got all my class grades posted on time.

Stu made dinner, and then diligently went back to the stair project.

My Cowboys handily beat the Giants and I watched every blessed move (see "Stu made dinner").

The kids & I mixed up a batch of banana-chocolate chip bread during half-time.

I did not get to my [imaginary] project of redesigning the spare room but...

THERE'S NO SCHOOL TOMORROW! Sigh. I love snow days.

starring bad mom as the mouse king

A production of The Nutcracker has descended on my school building once again - we have a pretty cool auditorium that is frequently used by the community, and my classroom was once upon a time the Green Room. So whenever performing groups come in, they greedily eye my space. Usually, I shudder at the requests stamp my feet & shake my head take a deep breath and grudgingly share. Usually, people are reasonable and respectful of my volumes of clutter crap Very Important Stuff. Usually.

Last year, the feathered & sequined ballerinas molted in my space for two weeks; I'm still finding bobby pins & glitter in strange places. Besides leaving pieces of their costumes behind, a few times I returned to my room to find books knocked over, colored pencils broken, and erasures run through my lesson plans on the whiteboard. Individually, maybe spread over a bunch of visits, those things are not a big deal. Cumulatively though, and in my OCD world, they add up to A Big Deal. I had words with some people last year and was assured that only responsible individuals would be allowed in my room, and I would be informed beforehand; this allows me to bring the crazy down a notch.

This week, however, I was not informed about Nutcrackers using my room yet came in Friday morning to find both doors unlocked, books askew, a hanger left behind, and an open bottle of water on my desk [visions of ruined papers danced in my head]. I doublechecked with our secretary because sometimes I can be wrong mistaken about things, but no one was scheduled to be in my classroom. So I designed some colorful instructional signs (colorful as in Sharpie markers, not language) and taped them to my doors; for good measure, I posted on the whiteboard "Please Keep Out" notices our secretary later printed for me.

On my way out yesterday afternoon, the ballet director stopped me in the hall - mere feet from my doors & the colorful signs - and hoped I wasn't locking everything up. I answered that I was indeed, since no one was supposed to be using my classroom. A generally cordial but circular argument ensued wherein he said his contract allowed his people in my room and I replied that the operations person did not contact me or my administrators about it; we finally got to me hoping he could make do with the other [adequately sized, right next to mine, not nearly as full of things people can't resist messing with] room available, and him hoping I didn't return to "a surprise on Monday." I'm not quite sure if that was a threat or an apology in advance; either way, it leaves me itching for a fight.

I think my army could take their ballerinas.

it's friday, sing praise

1. Friends save lives.

2. Seek health; it's what's for dinner (and lunch, and breakfast).

3. I'm ready for winter break. And a few snow days.

4. Prada is one of my favorite perfumes (and the way the precious counter boy at Nordstrom pronounces it makes it even better...).

5. The oldest ornaments I have are clothespin toy soldiers my grandma made.

6. Take some typical teens & patient grown-ups with extraordinary senses of humor, mix it all together and you have my school.

7. And as for the weekend, tonight I'm looking forward to blessed, blissful sleep, tomorrow my plans include helping my best friend celebrate her birthday and Sunday, I want to watch Mason in our church play then go pick out our Christmas tree [because it's supposed to be snowing & wickedly cold - that's how we do it].

Faithful Friday Fill-Ins

no cheese with this whine

Last night, something I ate or drank briefly turned me into Ideal Woman - I tidied the kitchen, made kids' lunches, finished laundry, spent a half hour with Wii Fit ("Hello! I see it's been 46 days since you worked out! How are you feeling?" Cheeky little balance board bastard), watched a Sopranos episode and got to bed by 11:00. Then up at 6 a.m., ate a reasonable breakfast, did a little Sun Salutation, read my new Real Simple for 20 minutes, got ready and left for school by 7:45. I felt so accomplished, if a little Stepfordish.

But as I was leaving the house, something tweaked in my neck & shoulder. I spent the day in that aggravating stance of not trying to baby the area yet being unable to resist because it hurt so effing much. Driving home I started to feel so tired I wanted to pull over and nap, yet I managed to be Nearly Ideal Mom as I sorted Christmas presents in the spare room, got Mason to his play rehearsal on time, found nearly-new copies of the first two Christopher Paolini books at Goodwill for $4.99 each, did not resort to packaged or fast food for dinner [not that there's anything wrong with that]. However, I barely made it through Santa Claus Is Coming To Town and a chapter of Wrinkle in Time; I slipped under the covers of my bed, fully clothed, while Stu tucked the kids in. My diehard commitment to posting everyday, plus Stu's promise to rub my neck (okay, mostly the promise - thank you, besthusbandever), got me out of bed and onto the couch for an hour.

And now, my throat is starting to hurt. Waaaaah.

brightness within

Parson's house, Tower of London

photo by me, 2008

Wordless Wednesday

sweeping the nation

Being the born geek English major, I love me the word games - Scrabble, Taboo, Scattergories, but especially Catchphrase because gestures are allowed (I have a tendency to talk with my hands a tad). Last Christmas, my cousin got us the electronic version (thanks again, Amos!) and the kids & I play informally every chance we get.

During Thanksgiving break, we were going around when I got "restroom." I said, "When you're in a public place and you have to pee...." Paige yelled "BATHROOM" while Mason shouted "TOILET," so I nodded and went on: "Alright, so if you get tired and you want to lie down, you're going to _______." Mason: "SLEEP! You're sleepy!" I tried to wave him off that line and repeated the part about being tired plus the public place to pee. My boy was at the point of no return in his own mind and shrieked with utter authority, "SLEEPY TOILET!"

I laughed until I cried. Ah, good times.

fluffy monday

Because I am sitting dumbstruck on my ass eating an ice cream bar terribly busy screening a movie for my Literature class, all I've got is a little eye candy for the evening.


First, Bradley Cooper, who has apparently been around for awhile but completely escaped my discerning Man Cake radar until now that he is in approximately 15 new movies.

And then Jared Leto, who I understand is kind of a weirdo and looks completely creepy as Mark David Chapman in Chapter 27 but is still a hottie. Observe.

Happy Monday!
The End.

scenes from the getaway

While the man slaved away at home with stairs, kids, laundry & Pampered Chef [though he carefully omitted that a lovely neighbor friend invited him & Jen's hubby for steak dinner last night], my best girlfriends & I enjoyed two days in downtown Portland for our 1st Annual Women's Thank-You-Lord-For-Loving-and-Giving-Husbands-What-Do-You-Mean-"Recession?" Retreat.

In my overwhelming blissful state at the start of proceedings Friday, I forgot to take a photo of my $can'ttellyouwithoutcringing pants that I wore with my fantastic T-strap pumps (now down to $45 per wearing!) and the lovely pomegranate martinis at Macaroni Grill. Also, we didn't do any of the activities we had originally thought of - a lingerie trunk show (finished dinner too late), Nordstrom holiday event (forgot to RSVP), cocktail bar party (no costumes). Essentially, we just stayed within the 8-block walking/streetcar area, and loved every minute of it.

View from the Hilton

(not the first one we stopped at, but the one across the street...Crazy hotel people)

Jen demonstrating how to properly eat edamame

(I once famously, and supposedly hilariously, choked while trying to down one whole)

Our spring rolls strangely resembled tiny narwhals


The ubiquitous wacky drink menu


The "lots of shaved ice" apparently melted
to create this "barfed salad" look
(though Jen still loved it...)


The drink that burned my lips
in an oh-so-good way


Lisa amidst the nutty Saucebox decor



Saturday's booty haul

The vibrant & lovely Alexa aka "Butterfly" of Cascadia Cabs

We didn't make her try to pedal our tired mom asses back to the hotel

This is how we do it

Breakfast of champions